Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just gargled with NyQuil
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
