Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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