well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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