i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
