dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
