so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need a beard to bite.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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