That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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