I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
