Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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