I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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