I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
