My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
