And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
