I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
