yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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