Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
