does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
