Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
