im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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