I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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