the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
