I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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