I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
