dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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