Your tits are I can't wait for
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
