I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
