Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
