Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
