the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
