brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
