he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
