You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
