I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
