they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
