he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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