her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
