No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
