I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
