she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
