One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
