Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
