just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
