Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
