The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
