R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
