this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
