Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
