Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
