Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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