I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
