He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
