I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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