there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
