remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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