He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
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Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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