Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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