New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
