we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
