Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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