party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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