peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
