Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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