I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
