Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize