I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
