you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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