HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
