I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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