it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
