i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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