i would punch a child for taco bell
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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