I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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